The lights of the candles

Last week I attended a shiur where the rabbi spoke about the fact that if one has only enough money to kindle the Shabbat lights or the Chanukah lights, the Shabbat lights take precedence as they bring shalom bayit - marital harmony - to the home. He explained that at the beginning of the Sabbath, the wicks of the candles are separate, but, at the end of the Sabbath, the wicks are intertwined.
May we merit shalom bayit in our households and the parnassah not to have to make a choice between the Shabbat candles and the Chanukah lights.

Strengthening ourselves

YeranenYaakov has a post titled Rav Shteinman: There is a Decree in Shamayim to Destroy the Jews - We Must Strengthen Ourselves to Cancel It.

TomerDevorah writes "We've Lost Our Kedusha."

Isn't it time to wake up?

The phone call

Yesterday I was invited to two simchos. One was a kiddush for the bar mitzvah of a cousin and the second was an aufruf for my friend's son. Since I wanted to catch the Torah Leining of the bar mitzvah boy, I decided to daven at my cousin's shul. After davening, I was invited to the host's house for a kiddush. There, I met cousins from America whom I hadn't seen in years. With all the catching up, the time flew by and I had promised my husband I would return home for lunch at a specific hour. I made my way home, disappointed that it was too late to wish mazal tov to my friend whose shul was about a 20 minute walk.
I resolved to call my friend to explain my absence but she beat me to it. This morning I received a call from her. She told me that she missed my presence and I explained to her the circumstances of my no show. She was understanding and we wished each other continued simchos.
I was so impressed that my friend did not stand on ceremony or become upset with me. Many people wouldn't have bothered to inquire and would have become angry but my friend taught me that making a phone call is a small endeavor to keep a friendship from collapsing.

Hospitality

A friend of mine from Europe celebrated her son's wedding in New York recently. She told me about the hospitality of her mechutonim. She and her family were put up in a gemach house in the neighborhood. When she arrived, the fridge was stocked with all the food that she and her large family could possibly need.
Another friend contributed to the conversation by talking about how she had been hosted by a family many years ago. When she arrived after a long car journey with her two toddlers, there was not even a cup of water to be had. Her husband had to go out in the middle of the night to search for basic staples for the family.
She told me that her sister will be making a bar mitzvah soon and she had been calling various people in the neighborhood to host various members of her family. Some people answered in the affirmative provided that they wouldn't have to serve food to their guests.
My brother made a simcha in the height of the summer. Some members of the family were hosted by a neighbor who provided them a room in the attic without any air conditioning. Needless to say, the guests spent a sleepless Friday night in unbearable heat.
So, those who accept hosting guests, do it in a fashion where you make the guests feel welcome and comfortable. If not, just say no.

A prayer for Israel

Palestinian officials say they plan to begin mass marches against Israel’s occupation of the West Bank on Sept. 20, the eve of a laregly symbolic U.N. vote expected to recognize their independence.
Read full article: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/palestinians-announce-massive-protests-against-israel-in-september/

One commenter posted the following.
Remember August is the month of Ramadan – so they are gearing up to againt Israel in September. :) Also, I keep seeing tweets about something coming down between Iran and Israel in September – and keep your eyes on Turkey guys and gals :) That is a key player.

So, what do we do when we read the above? How many take out a sefer Tehillim and pray for Israel's welfare? And how many continue to click on the next website?

Sharing emotions

In a letter to the editor of the Mishpacha magazine, a reader wrote the following which caught my attention.

Another thought, shared by a friend of mine who underwent a major tzaar. At the time of his suffering, he was inundated with visitors and mechanchim, who came en masse, many from far away, to sit with him and comfort him. He appreciated the outpouring of nesia b'ol and how each one took the time and effort to really participate and feel his pain.
Some time later, he merited making a simcha and again, many people came. "But this time," he told me, "I felt like their hearts weren't in it. They were coming to be yotzei, not to share in my emotions.

May we merit to share many happy occasions with friends and share their joy with heartfelt emotion.

Not a scandal

Scandals sell newspapers, so we are saturated with article after article about sleazy politicians, financial wrongdoings and the like. When a story breaks which will shed a negative light on a person's reputation, the incident is reported worldwide.
But, when there is a story that portays people in a favorable manner, few pick up on the article and publish it.
Last night I read an article at the Lakewood Scoop about a very honest storekeper. So far, I haven't seen anyone else pick up on the story. So, in case you missed it, click here to read a story not laden with scandal, but with principles of honesty that we should strive to emulate.

Gratitude

Sara Yoheved Rigler has an article about gratitude on Aish.com which is worthwhile reading.
A couple of months ago, a a mother of two boys approached me to ask if I would tutor her young sons for an English test that they were taking in the beginning of June. In the end, I lent them two grammar books which have yet to be returned.
The family lives across the street from me. I bumped into the mother last week and asked if her children had taken the test. She replied in the affirmative.
"I would love to know what type of questions were asked on the test," I told the woman." Knowing that the boys had a busy school schedule, I asked when I could call them. She said that I could call in the afternoon, since it was Friday and they would be finishing school early.
I called a few hours later and the mother told me her boys were sleeping but she would have them call me. I reminded her that my books were still in her possession and she told me that her sons would return them.
Friday passed with no call or return of the books. Now it is Monday and I still haven't heard from them. I can assure you that when they needed the books, they were at my door at the first available moment.
Let's take more care in returning items in a timely fashion. Let's show gratitude for the favor bestowed upon us. Let me be dan lechaf zechut.
In a similar vein, when someone calls with a suggestion for a shidduch, if you decide that it is not appopriate, at least have the courtesy to call back the person who suggested the idea, thank them and let them know that you aren't interested, for the moment.

The good news

A little while ago, I attended a tea in support of an Israeli institution for young women. I approached the principal of the school who was the guest speaker at the event. I asked her for a blessing for a member of the family who was undergoing some medical tests. She calmed me down with her encouraging words and told me that I should promise to donate to her institution when I hear good news. She showered me with blessings and I felt relieved and more at peace.
Today I found out that the results of the test were very reassuring and there was no need for any medical intervention. I was very excited and remembered to call the prinicpal with the good news.
She told me, "I give blessings to many people but so few people call me to report back to me when there is good news. You are special."
Let's remember to call the person whom we burdened with our worries if our problem gets resolved. We thought enough of them to confess our anxieties to them and listen as we tearfully spoke to them when things weren't going well in our lives. Let's think enough of them to impart good news, as well.

The parrot

This Shabbos I attended a shiur where the rabbi related an interesting anecdote to drive home his point about how even though we might have had past failures, we can ultimately succeed and turn our past failures into successes.
He related an anecdote about a man who boasted that his parrot could say the Shema Yisrael. He would bring it to shul and the parrot would perform for the congregants. No one believed him and the man collected 500$ from those who bet against this seemingly impossible feat. The parrot was brought to shul but would not speak. Disappointed, the man returned the money and left the synagogue in shame.
When he got home, he got angry with the parrot.
"Because of you, I lost money and I suffered terrible embarrassment," he said.
The parrot responded, "You'll see that it will work out for the best and I will have made you even more money when you approach the congregation again in a month's time. This time bet 1000$ and I will perform for you. Now aren't you happy that you will have doubled your money?"
The rabbi concluded, "So too, can we turn our failures into successes. Hashem doesn't want us to fail. But if we do, we are given more channces to use our failures as an opportunity for growth."

The wrong man

Debbie Greenblatt writes in Mishpacha about emunah and marriage. She describes a woman who suffered great emotional pain in her marriage. She had confided in Ms. Greenblatt that "she married the wrong man. She insisted that there had been another person in her youth who would have been more suitable, and she should have married him."
Ms. Greenblatt responds that , "while this fantasy may be useful as a coping mechanism in a difficult situation, the underlying premise is untrue and a tremendous obstacle in rectifying the situation. If we believe that we are where Hashem wants us to be, it will help us put our entire being into the effort of building and repairing our shalom bayis."

How many of us also have a person in our past that was more suitable? Let's stop living in the past and uttering if only and let's concentrate on making the most of the marriages we are in. Let's work on the present, whether it is on getting into shape, becoming better people, enrolling in courses etc. We are in the situation where Hashem wants us to be so let's work to be at peace with where we are now.

A great investment opportunity

Grandma phones her daughter and says, "I'm coming to see you in half-an-hour".
When she arrives, her grandson runs to her, cuddles her and gives her a kiss. "Grandma", he says, "we don't need anything".
"What do you mean" Grandma asks.
"When you phoned," says her grandson, "Mummy said, "that's all I need! Now you're here, we don't need anything.

In a lot of families, no matter how many siblings there are, the brunt of taking care of Mom and Dad falls disproportionately on one child.
Last week a reader in Hamodia wrote to rabbi Abraham Twerski about the anger the individual feels that the entire burden of her father's care falls on her while the siblings don't put in their fair share. She wanted advice from the rabbi as to how to deal with the anger that was eating away at her.
The rabbi answered as follows.
"Suppose someone told you of an investment that was certain to increase grealtly in value. You shared this information with your siblings, but they had no interest. You did invest, and the value of your ivestment more than quadrupled. How would you feel toward your siblings? Angry? Probably not. You'd feel sorry for them that they lost this opportunnity.
You have the precious mitzvah of kibud av, for which the Torah promises great reward. Your siblings are not taking advantage of it? You should feel sorry for them, and when you pity someone, you can't really be angry at him."

Something to think about, n'est ce pas?

Turn off the cell phones

A friend sent me a WMV file of a lecture that I was unable to attend. As I sat down to listen, the first thing I heard was the incessant ringing of a cell phone, disrupting the lecturer from proceeding.
A rebbetzin spoke in the neighborhood a while ago. The person who introduced her stressed that the rebbetzin wouold be highly disturbed if cell phones went off during her lecture.
"Please turn off your cell phone," she requested.
The rebbetzin started speaking. After a while, a cell phone went off.
Her look of displeasure would have rattled anyone.
She requested that cell phones should be turned off. A few minutes later she was, once again, disrupted by the ring tones of a cell phone.
This week, Mishpacha published a letter signed by leading American rabbis about how if the phone rings, it shows contempt for kavod shamayim.
Therefore is it obligatory for each and every person to completely close their phone before entering the Shul.
They wrote that it was a bizayon for a person to spend the little time he engages in speaking to Hashem and asking for his needs without cutting himself off completely from outside wordly influences.
A study on multitasking found the following.
Even if your soccer skills rival Ronaldo, though, hang up your cell phone before navigating busy city streets. Everyone had lower crossing success rates when talking on the phone. “It seems that pedestrians are able to tune out music on an iPod, but that preparing to speak or speaking causes impairments,...”
http://blogs.menshealth.com/health-headlines/athletes-think-faster-than-you/2011/03/30

So, turn off the cell phone. Be considerate and show the proper respect to G-d when in shul.

Returning borrowed items

Hamodia ran an ad this week which began with two questions.

Busy Pesach Cleaning? Have you found any equipment that belongs to Ezra Umarpeh? Please return it now!
The same can be said of any items that you find during your Pesach cleaning that you may have borrowed and haven't returned as yet. Now is the time to return the book you borrowed over a year ago, the hammer, the sefer, the umbrella that was loaned to you on a particularly rainy day, etc. If not now, when?

Saving lives

A mother and five children were injured in a severe road accident between a private car and a semi-trailer truck at the entrance to Shoham on Route 444 on Monday.
http://www.jpost.com/NationalNews/Article.aspx?ID=213157&R=R1

An Israeli website published an interview ith the father in which he cautioned people to buckle up. Those who wore seatbelts escaped without major injury.
During a television interview Police Superintendent Shai Mizrachi stated it seems that a ten-year-old boy who was seriously injured was not wearing a seatbelt.
"I want ask parents to be strict about the wearing of seatbelts," said Mizrahi. "This is not a recommendation, it saves lives."
Click here to read the article in Hebrew.

So there you have it from a father and a man responsible for road saftey that it is important to wear seatbelts. Let's heed their words and not play with our children's lives. Let's resolve that, from today, we will be more strict about enforcing the wearing of seatbelts. May the young boy merit a full recovery.

Say what?

The first perek of Megila Esther tells us about the lavish party that Achashveirosh held. It describes in great detail the wealth, the vessels and the abundance of food available for every attendee. The party was suited to each guest's specific tastes.
The Manos Levi brings down an argument among Rishonim over whether the party had music or not. One reason they might not have had music is because with all the other senses, a person has the option of tuning out; but when it comes to live music, your ears would pick up the sound whether you wanted to hear it or not. Since it could not be separated according to each guest's personal preferences and desires, it must not have been there.
Some explain that the absence of music was as a result of the Yehudim having been invited to the parties. Since it was during the time between the first and second Bais HaMikdash, the Yehudim would not have attended had there been music. To ensure the Jews' participation, there was no music scheduled at the party.
Some say that music may be nice to hear, but that it takes concentration away from the "taste" process. Since it opposes the sense of taste, Achashveirosh chose not to have any at his party.
http://www.revach.net/moadim/megilas-esther/At-Achashveirosh039s-Party-Who-Turned-Down-The-Music/1936

Two weeks ago Hamodia published an article titled When the music is just too loud by Dr. Pesach Goodley, M.D. The doctor starts off by noting the following.
A chasunah should be an occasion of pure joy. It should not be injurious! Yet it often is because the music is pathologically loud.
He suggests various solutions to the problem.
There must be a commitment in our community to bring an end to the scourge of deafening music.
...Every time you are invited to a chasunah, call the baalei simchah with your mazal tov and add that unless there is assurance that the sound level will be maintained at safe levels, you cannot attend.
What an interesting idea. Dare we implement it?

Come in peace the crown of her husband

A number of years ago I heard about a wedding speech made by the bride's father in which he lauded the groom's parents. He spoke about their sterling qualities and ended his speech by talking about how he and his mechutonim had different minhagim about the mitzvah tantz at the end of the wedding.
"I won," he declared.

Rabbi Eytan Kobre wrote an article for Mishpacha about Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky as we approach the gadol's 25th yahrzheit later this month.
...when they spoke about the diverse customs for who accompanies the chassan and kallah to the chuppah, Rev Yaakov revealed that his minhag was a rather straightforward one: "Ich hob getin vos mein mechutonim hoben gevolt [I did whatever my mechutonim wanted to do]."

Going back to the bride's father, in all respect, I do believe the groom's parents won by being mevater for the sake of peace. As the bride and groom begin their marital lives, what better message can they take with them than the lesson of being willing to compromise and making your will the will of the other.
May we follow Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky's minhag of not causing strife and animosity and may we be merit participating in happy occasions.

Honk Honk - What's the rush?

This afternoon I was walking down the street when I heard the grating noise of a car honking. Curious as to what was happening, my gaze fell upon a young mother rushing to take her child out of a school van that had stopped in the middle of the street to unload a young passenger.
Why did the driver of the car behind the van have to honk unceasingly?
Recently Hamodia published a letter by a man who had problems with his feet. His wife had also gone through surgery on her foot. It took some seconds for them to exit the taxi that had transported them to their home. The man behind them began to honk. When the older man went to explain to the driver about the situation, the young driver didn't give a chance to explain. He shouted, "you are selfish," and drove off.
A few months ago my mother was driving in Borough Park. She was unfamiliar with some of the streets and drove at a slow pace. A young man behind her honked, passed her by and gave her the finger.
Can't we learn to be solicitous of other people? So, it will take us a few minutes longer to reach our destination. But, ultimately, when we reach our final destination, we will be accompanied by the testimony that we didn't cause unnecessary pain to someone else. And I'm sure that we are in no rush to reach our final destination.

Hazan et hakol

A comment posted at the end of a Matzav article titled Rav Shteinman: Poverty in Frum Community Due to Lashon Harah caught my eye.

I witnessed the reduction of the klalls income over the last half century with the inception of the mezonos bread/roll which started in the early 80’s. The diamond and electronic business then crashed ,and it is still downhill from there.today even if one earns a six figure income it is not enough.there is no brocha in the money .so my advice to the klall is wash and bentch, and then we will receive the brocha ,ooveirach es lachmechah ves maymechah amen
http://matzav.com/rav-shteinman-poverty-in-frum-community-due-to-lashon-harah

How many times have we skipped eating bread because we couldn't be bothered with bentching afterwards. Let's make a conscious effort to wash and bentch. May the first blessing of Birkat Hamazon, "Hazan et hakol" - that God provides food for all be fulfilled.

The donated sefarim

The printing of the sefarim was in its final stages. Demand was great and the first edition was a great success. Some additional Torah thoughts were added to the second printing. My husband was able to secure two sets of the sefarim, even though demand exceeded supply the second time around.
He told me that he would keep one set of sefarim for us while he would like to donate the second set to his shul. At first, I thought that I would like to have both sets, to pass on to the children. But then I thought that I was being selfish. If the sefarim remained in our home, only a select few would be able to derive pleasure. By donating one set to the shul, my husband was ensuring that many others would be able to benefit from the Torah scholar's thoughts.
The sefarim were stamped with the shul's name and they became property of the shul. One night my husband came home excitedly, "the Rav has been using the sefarim. He always uses a tissue as a placemark and I noticed one in the sefer."
I was glad that the sefarim had become communal property. But, one day, my husband related to me that the sefarim had vanished. Either someone had taken them home and had forgotten to return them, or they were sitting amongst the piles of sefarim in the shul and could not be found due to all the disorder and sefarim not being put back into their proper places.
So, I'm asking you to think back to the time that you borrowed an English ArtScroll sefer because you wanted to help your child with his Jewish studies. You only meant to borrow it for the night, but the sefer is still sitting on your desk.
Please return the sefarim so that others can enjoy them, as well. And, after making use of a sefer or a siddur in your shul, please return it to its rightful place. Because it's the right thing to do.

Unpaid debts

Mashgiach ruchani (Hebrew משגיח רוחני) or mashgiach for short, means a spiritual supervisor or guide. It is a title which usually refers to a rabbi who has an official position within a yeshiva and is responsible for the non-academic areas of yeshiva students' lives. The most famous mashgiach ruchani was Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel, (1849-1927), founder of the Slabodka Yeshiva.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mashgiach_ruchani

Welcome to Mashgiach is Coming.

There are many people who try their best to follow the Torah and to perform mitzvot. Sometimes, inadvertently, they may forget to do something they should have done. For instance, one borrows a book and forgets to return it. One takes a sefer from the synagogue to read at home. You meant to return it, but, it is still located in your home months later.

The purpose of this blog is to remind people about unintentional wrongdoings and hopefully, people can rectify their mistakes.

Once a week, I will post an idea that might get people thinking - have I been remiss? If you have any ideas, please email me with your own thoughts. Also, if the post inspired you to act, I would love to hear about it. If you would like me to post your correspondence, fine. If not, just write that you would rather not have your correspondence published.

First thought.

A while back, a rabbi related a story about someone in the neighborhood. The man's father-in-law had recently died and he appeared to him in a dream. The deceased told his son-in-law that he had not paid his pledge that he had made for an aliyah in shul. The son-in-law went to the gabbai and asked if his father-in-law owed any money to the shul. When the gabbai answered in the affirmative, the son-in-law paid the debt in full. That night, the father-in-law once again appeared to his son-in-law in a dream.

"You have made me happy," he told him.

Sometimes, one forgets to pay the money he promised for his aliyah. He may have good intentions. I know someone who went to the gabbai and wanted to pay for his aliyah. The gabbai told him to come back another time as he didn't have his financial books with him.

A number of months ago, there was a Shabbos Hatzolah in which people pledged money to the emergency medical organization. Since no one from the organization came around to collect the pledges and, as yet, some pledges have gone unpaid.

Have you paid all the debts you have incurred from pledges in shul?

Let's devote some time today to figuring out whether we have any unpaid debts. If possible, let's resolve to take care of the matter by the end of this week.

Wishing you success.